GEEK LOVE

Written by: Me, John Dorrian.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc.
I'm just borrowing them.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: AU, the boys are gay and are more interested in making love
than war. Isn't that nice?
Pairing: W/J/A


"Guuuuys!" Andrew whined. "I'm bored!"

"So? Go piss up a rope." Warren replied, amiably enough. He was in the
process of reassembling an old computer he'd taken apart earlier that
week. "I told you I had work to do. I have to get this finished in
time for class Monday morning."

"Well, can't you put it off until tomorrow?" Andrew was all pouty.
"It's Friday night! Let's do something."

"Like what?" Jonathan looked up from the magazine he was idly flipping
through.

"I dunno. Maybe we could go see a movie?"

"Dude, you know there's nothing good playing. Unless you want to take
in the latest Richard Gere/Julia Roberts suck-fest."

They both shuddered.

"Aw, geez!" Andrew was indignant. "How come there are never any good
summer movies playing anytime but...but..."

"...Summer?" Warren finished for him, still not looking up from his
workbench.

"That's right!" Andrew snippily agreed. "It's no fair!" And with that,
he threw himself on the couch, settling in for a good sulk.

Warren finally, if wearily, glanced up from his homework, and had to
suppress a wolfish grin. Sprawled out on the couch, wearing his brown
cordoroys, an old jeans jacket and his Spongebob Sqaurepants t-shirt,
Andy looked (if he only knew it) utterly, adorably cute. But he always
looked extra-special adorable whenever he was pouting. Which he was
doing now, busily sulking up a storm as he was.

Warren sensed a certain stirring downwards in his nether regions, and
reached down to give himself a squeeze. Yep. Definitely a stirring. He
beckoned Jonathan over.

"My boy," He said quietly, slipping an arm around Jon's shoulders in
the process, "I believe it's high time we pulled a certain closet door
off its hinges once and for all."

Jonathan glanced back at Andrew who'd picked up a comic book from a
nearby pile. "I don't know, Warren. I know he's only a year younger
than we are, but he still seems like such a kid. Maybe we should build
up to this more gradually? We don't want the poor guy freaking on us."

"He's gonna freak no matter when we do it." The larger boy pointed
out. "We've left this long enough. I really think it's time."

"Uh-huh." Jon cocked a cynical eyebrow."And the obvious swelling in
your jungle area has absolutely *NOTHING* to do with such an important
decision, right?" He smiled an evil smile and gave Warren's crotch a
playful tweak.

"Oooh." Warren reached around the smaller boy with both arms, took
firm hold of his nice little ass, and pulled him close for a cuddle.
"Bad boy, are we? Well, you know what happens to bad boys, don't you,
Jonathan? They get spanked." Warren licked the tip of Jon's nose. "If
they're lucky." Both boys grinned at one another.

"Hey!!" Andrew suddenly snapped in a suspicious tone. The other two -
who'd practically forgotten about him - wildly glanced in the
direction of the outburst. But Andrew hadn't noticed anything amiss in
their behavior. Holding the comic directly in front of his face, much
as a small child would, he'd merely wondered why things had gotten so
quiet. "What are you guys talking about over there?"

"N-nothing!" They yelped simultaneously.

Jonathan stepped slightly back from Warren just before Andy peeked
over the edge of the comic book at them. His eyes narrowed in
suspicion, before he returned to his reading. "Suuuure!" he snorted.

Warren opened a drawer in his workbench and he pulled out a video
tape. "Don't worry." he whispered to Jonathan. "Just follow my lead.
I've got a fullproof plan that can't possibly fail!"

Jon had his doubts, but they'd been discussing this for well over a
month now, and he still hadn't the least notion of how to appraoch
someone as high-strung as Andrew about the topic of coming out.
Deciding he'd better play along with whatever idiotic scheme Warren
had come up with, he hoped it involved something more sophisticated
than the larger boy yelling "Bonzai!" and shoving his cock in Andrew's
mouth.

"Hey, sport!" Warren declared heartily, plonking himself on the couch
next to Andrew. "I thought it over, and you were right. We could use
some amusement on this dreary, dreary evening!" He held the video tape
aloft.

"What'cha got?" Andrew squealed. He threw the comic book across the
room and snatched at Warren's video. Warren held it just out of reach.

"Ah-Ah-AH!!" He wagged a finger. "You're seconds away from being
slapped. This, my young friend, is a representative sample of the fine
work people are doing in the field of adult entertainment."

"Porn?" Jonathan was not pleased with this development. Springing a
dirty movie with an all-male cast on Andrew would be a nasty surprise
for the poor kid. And it was the *LAST* way they should try to open
the subject of his being gay.

But Andrew *WAS* pleased. "Oh, goodie!" He clapped his hands with
enthusiasm. "Just knowing there's a porn movie in the same room makes
me all horny! Let's put it on!"

"Certainly!" Warren obliged. He was an obliging fellow. As he did the
honors, he turned to Jonathan and winked. The smaller boy shot him a
look that clearly said, "I hope you know what you're doing."

The tv screen was completely black as the film started. Andrew leaned
forward, and wrapped his arms around his knees. Sitting beside him,
Warren looked extraordinarily pleased with himself. "Just what is he
up to?" Jonathan thought.

Voices could now be heard on the video. Grunting, heaving voices.
Curiously, though, the screen remained completely black. Jonathan and
Andrew exchanged a puzzled look.

"Put 'zis in yoo-ur mouth!!" A man's voice said in an obviously (and
ridiculously) fake French accent.

"Ooh! La! La! Eet tastes just like peppermint!" A woman replied.

"Warren," Jonathan inquired politely, what the hell is this?"

"It's called "the Ultra-Naughty Adventures of Hercule the Pillow
Merchant and Zsa-Zsa!" Warren replied in blandly innocent tones.

"B-b-but what *IS* it?" Andrew gaped at the blank screen.

"It's from some artistic collective in New York." Warren explained.
"it's avant-garde! The viewer only hears the action, and has to
imagine what the players are actually doing."

"Your birthmark! Eet iz in the shape of a penguin!" Hercule exclaimed.
"Zat iz so sex-ee!"

"Oui. I call him My Leetle Penguiny One."

"Dude!!" Andrew was horrified. "This SUCKS!!!"

Onscreen, Zsa Zsa began to sing, "I'm a lee-tel bunny, see me hop!"
There must have been a lot of people on the set, because this was
accompanied by many sniggerings and breakings of wind. Andrew grabbed
the remote control and turned the tv off. He glared at Warren.

"Well, that was officially the lamest thing ever!" Andrew disdainfully
sniffed. "Huh!"

"'Huh' you say? You say 'Huh'? You dare "huh' to me?" Warren was
wildly flailing his arms. Jonathan rolled his eyes, realizing this
must all be a part of Warren's so-called "master plan" because the big
ape was conducting himself with all the dignified solemnity of a Mel
Brooks movie.

"Can't you two philistines see the whole point is to imagine the best
darn porn movie you can?" Warren lectured. "Andrew!" He shot a finger
in the direction of the other boy, who flinched in surprise. "Which
actress in all the world would you most like to see make her smutty
debut?"

"Oh, that's easy!" Andrew happily gurgled, pleased the conversation
had once again taken a turn he could relate to. "Scully!"

"Gillian Anderson, yes." Warren mused, stroking his chin. "Beautiful,
tough, a take-charge kind of lady, but without losing any of her
femininity."

"Uh-huh!" Andrew nodded with enthusiasm. "She's the acme of
femininity!"

"Ok, so who should we pair her up with?" Warren asked.

Andrew began to look a little uneasy. "Um...I dunno. Some guy, I
guess."

"What!!" Warren shrieked. "You want to hook up the woman of your
dreams with just anybody? What if it was Ernest Borgnine?"

Andrew made a face. "Dude, I didn't say that! I mean...Yuck!"

Warren banged his fist on the coffee table for emphasis. "Can you
imagine such a gorgeous hunka-hunka woman lying atop that huge,
sweaty, wrinkly mound of blubber? It'd be like humping a pup-tent
filled with warm pudding!"

"Ewwwwwwwww!" Andrew clapped his hands to his face. "Jonathan, make
him stop!"

"All we need do," Warren turned and gave Jonathan a significant look,
"is pair her up with a guy who's equally attractive."

"Ah." Jon was beginning to see where this extended comedy routine was
leading. "Well, I suppose the obvious choice would be David Duchovny."

"Yeah, he's a good looking guy." Warren agreed. "Handsome, suave in a
sleep-eyed kinda way."

Andrew uncovered his face and looked at Warren uncertainly. "You think
Mulder is...handsome?" he asked.

"Hey, I'm comfortable enough in my masculinity to admit it when
another guy's good looking." Warren leaned back with his hands clasped
behind his head. "Hell, women do that sort of thing with each other
all the time, don't they?"

"Well, yeah, but..." Andy blinked. "We can't romantically link Scully
with Mulder. That would be blasphemous."

"I don't see why not." Jonathan put in. "We could call it "the X-Rated
Files.'"

"Or maybe," Warren glared at him, "we could just set her up with
someone else."

"Oh, all right." Jonathan thought. Out loud, he suggested, "How about,
um, Russel Crowe?"

"Yeah, he'd do. Hunky dude, beautiful, soulful eyes."

"Johnny Depp?"

"Yeah, he's a honey. Nice butt."

"Ummm...Ewan McGregor?"

"Mm-hmm. Cute face, nice accent, nice cock."

"How do you know that?" Jonathan asked.

"You get a good look at it in that Peter Greenaway film he was in."

"Oh, yeah. I never saw that one."

"Too bad."

Andrew's eyes had been steadily getting wider and wider during this
little exchange, and now they were as big as saucers. He gaped from
Warren to Jonathan and back again.

"Guh?" he said.

Warren clapped him on the back. "Well said!"

"Uhhhh...Whuh?" Andy articulated.

Jonathan's heart went out to him. Poor Andrew really *WAS* beginning
to look seriously wigged. The smaller boy decided they'd better dump
Warren's lame-assed "plan" and just talk to their friend openly.

"Look, Andy..." he began. "See, uh, it's like this..."

Andrew looked at him expectantly, but Jonathan simply couldn't think
of how he should continue. Jesus, this was awkward.

"Anyone up for a game of "Spin the Light Saber?" Warren asked.

Andrew suddenly leapt to his feet and began to walk jerkily towards
the back door.

 

"Oh, no, you don't!" Warren was right behind him. Placing his hands on
Andrew's shoulders, the larger boy began to steer him back towards the
couch.

"L-lemme go! I think I hear my mom calling me!"

Jonathan hurried over and took a firm hold of Andrew's wrists. With
Warren pushing and Jon pulling, it wasn't long before their extremely
nervous friend was sitting between them on the couch, hugging himself
tightly. He glanced warily at each of the others in turn.

"S-s-so you guys are gay,huh?" Andrew began to babble. "Wuh-well
that's ok! Good! I d-d-d-don't mind! I don't mind at all! Guh-good for
you! I support you in your lifestyle choices. Um. Yay."

Reaching over, Jonathan took one of Andrew's hands in both of his and
said gently, "But they aren't really "choices", are they, Andy?"

"I d-don't know what you mean." Andrew didn't pull away from Jonathan,
but he didn't look thrilled about the other boy holding his hand.

Jonathan smiled kindly. "Andy, it's ok. You don't have to pretend with
us anymore. We know."

Andrew looked down at the carpet and said in a low voice, "Know?"

Warren slipped an arm acorss Andrew's shoulders. "That's right, bud.
We know. About you. About what you're going through right now."

"About how you must be feeling." Jon added.

"But I don't know what you..."Andrew faltered. He was still looking at
his feet. "I mean..." Then he said in an extremely tiny voice, "How
did you...?"

Warren squeezed his shoulder. "Jon and I have both been through all
that, kiddo. If you know what too look for, there are usually some
telltale signs. And they were pretty easy to spot with you."

Andrew darted a quick look at him, and then returned his gaze to the
floor. "What signs?"

The others looked at one another. "Go on!" Jonathan mouthed silently,
gesturing at Andy's slumped form.

"Oh, great!" Warren thought, but out loud he said, "Now, Andy, don't
take this the wrong way...But when it comes to masculinity, you're not
exactly up there with Bruce Willis."

"Well..." Andrew began, but then he looked up sharply and said in an
insulted tone, "Hey!"

"And we've seen you looking at other guys." Jonathan added.

"What! When?"

"Dude, when we ran into Xander Harris at the comic convention last
month and introduced you, you were totally goofing on him." the larger
boy said.

"I was not!" Andrew indignantly exclaimed, but then he said in a far
less sure tone of voice, "...Was I?"

"'Fraid so." Jon smiled sympathetically. "And we couldn't help
noticing the way you looked at all the other cute guys who were
there."

"And not just there." Warren stated. "And not just strangers. I've
caught you ogling Jon's cute little ass when you thought we weren't
paying attention."

"And I've seen you doing the same thing with Warren." Jonathan patted
Andrew's hand.

"And...er," Warren faltered slightly. This next part was not going to
be pretty. "Fuck it, might as well come out with it." he thought.

"We, uh, we read your diary." he hurridly added.

"What!!!" Andrew screeched.

"Only a little!" Jonathan held his hands up defensively. He glared at
Warren, who smiled sheepishly. "We wanted to be absolutely sure before
we said anything!"

"Right! But we were pretty sure after reading your thoughts on Brad
Pitt, the whipped cream and the handcuffs." Warren couldn't help the
leering tone in his voice. Upon first reading it, that particular
passage had given him a stiffy. Jonathan threw a pillow at him.

"Warren!!" Andrew was appalled.

"Well, Andy, we needed proof!" Warren began his patented running at
the mouth. "Otherwise, you coulda turned out to be this apparently
gay-seeming, albeit totally gorgeous, straight guy who coincidentally
liked to look at other guys!"

Andrew leapt to his feet. He was pissed. "Now, you listen to me,
you...you cheaters!" His lip was quivering. "First of all!" He held a
finger up to make his point. "What kind of so-called friends sneak
around behind a guy's back like that? You're just a couple of
buttinskis!"

"Second," He held aloft another finger, "That's not a diary, it's a
journal, 'cause only fruity nelly sissy girls keep diaries! And I'm
all man! Got that?"

Jonathan was beginning to look concerned. Warren gaped.

"Thirdly!" Andy held up another finger. "That diary was personal,
private, inner thoughts meant only to be read by personal, private,
inner me! You had no right to stick your noses into my beeswax!"

"Andy..." Jonathan reached towards him.

"Shaddap!" Andrew spat. He counted another finger on his right hand.
"And fourthly!" But then he abruptly sat down again and held his head
in his hands. "Oh, Gaaawwwd!" he wailed. "Could this be any more
embarrassing?"

Wanting to comfort him, but afraid of doing any further damage, the
other two dithered somewhat. Jonathan narrowed his eyes at Warren in
an unmistakable "Now, see what you've done?" expression. Warren
shrugged. During their talks about how to best approach Andrew about
coming out, he had told the smaller boy he was no good at this kind of
touchy-feely crap.

"Do something!" the smaller boy mouthed at him. Warren looked guiltily
down at Andrew. Jonathan was glad to see the big doofus at least had
the grace to look a little sheepish.

"Andy..." Warren began. "I'm sorry. I..."

Andrew looked up then, directly into the larger boy's eyes. "You think
I'm...I'm...'gorgeous'?" he asked disbelievingly.

"Well...yeah." Warren smiled. He tentatively reached out, and when
Andrew didn't flinch away, he softly carressed the other boy's cheek.
"Of the three of us, you're definitely the cutest one. Isn't that
right, Jon?"

"Oh, absolutely!" Jonathan agreed. He nudged over slightly and placed
a hand on Andrew's knee. "Andy, you're a major-league babe!"

"Wuh-well, that's not..." Andrew stuttered. "I mean, you guys are much
better looking." He looked at the floor again. "Oh, geez." He said,
managing to look embarrassed and yet pleased at the same time. His
cheeks reddened slightly.

"And you blush so adorably!" Warren grinned.
The boys sat in companionable silence for a few moments, until Andrew
realized the others were waiting for him to say something.

"Uh, guys. Look. I know you mean well. I mean, don't get me wrong,
you're being real nice 'n stuff. But I wasn't even any good with
girls. And now this. I - I don't know what to make of it all. It's
kinda scary, y'know?"

"How long have you known you liked guys?" Warren asked. Moving closer,
he took hold of Andrew's shoulders again, and began to massage them.
The other boy tensed up at first, but then relaxed a little.

Andrew leaned back slightly, supported by Warren. "I don't know." he
sighed. "A couple of years, I guess. Except..."

"Except, in a way, it feels like you've always known, right?" Jonathan
asked.

Andy looked at him in surprise. "Yeah."

"That's how it was for me." Jonathan smiled a sad smile. I wasn't
exactly what you'd call 'Mr. Popular' back in high school. Well, no.
That's not right. I guess it would be more accurate to say I didn't
have a single friend in the entire world. Not that I had any before
high school, either. I was so fucking lonely. About a month before
graduation, it got to be too much for me, and...and...well, maybe you
heard about what I tried to do."

Andrew's eyes widened. Jon's attempted suicide had indeed been the
talk of the Sunnydale High student body. For a few, brief nanoseconds,
that is. An extremely tiny blip on the radar screen before attention
spans (and all the accompanying gossip) turned back to its more usual
targets: Those higher up on the popularity food chain.

But while he'd heard of the incident, he had somehow never connected
it to the person sitting before him, whom he had come to know and
trust and love as a friend. The subject had never been mentioned by
either of the other two guys in the time they'd all been hanging out
together. Jonathan had certainly never brought it up before.

"Wha...what happened?" he timidly asked.

"Oh, Buffy Summers talked me out of doing anything stupid. Just like
she got me out of one or two other nasty l'il situations. Funny how
she never really noticed me unless she was rescuing me from
something." It was Jonathan's turn to avoid eye contact. He almost
never talked about this part of his life, and he was finding it
difficult. "I could have saved myself a lot of trouble and
embarrassment if I'd just left well enough alone. Besides which, I...I
don't think I would have had the guts to go through with it even if
Buffy hadn't stopped me. But you never know, huh?"

Jon suddenly realized he and Andy were holding hands. The other boy
must have taken hold of his while he was talking. He looked up and was
touched to see Andrew was actually blinking back tears.

"Oh, Jonathan..." Andrew's voice trembled slightly. "I didn't know."
He squeezed Jon's hand.

"It's ok, Andy." Jon affectionately squeezed back. "Things began to
pick up for me. Do you remember Larry Blaisdell?"

"He was on the football team, right?" Warren asked. By this point, the
larger boy had wrapped both arms possessively around Andrew's torso
and had pulled him back so he was resting against Warren's chest.
Warren, in turn, was propping his chin upon Andy's shoulder. The other
boy not only didn't mind, he didn't even seem to notice. His entire
attention was fixed on Jonathan.

"Yeah. Larry used to pick on me sometimes, like a lot of the assholes
at Sunndale High. But Larry wasn't an asshole. He was just scared. He
was deep in the closet himself and was terrified to come out. He
finally did, though." Jon smiled wistfully, remembering. "He told me
all about it. After that...that thing I tried to do, he took me under
his wing. The first day I was back in school after my little
"accident", Larry came over when I was at my locker to apologize for
the way he'd treated me. We began to hang out a little after that. No
one was more surprised than me. He was part of the popular crowd, and
by that I mean actual-popular, not fake-popular, like Harmony Kendall
and her gang of cackling, razor-toothed hags. People actually liked
Larry. Nobody had liked me. I couldn't believe he was giving me the
time of day."

"Do you think he suspected anything about you?" Warren asked. This was
all as new to him as it was to Andrew.

"Looking back? Probably." Jonathan rubbed his eyes. "There were one or
two times I caught him looking at me strangely, and in retrospect, he
obviously knew. But I didn't know my ass from a hole in the ground
back then. It was overwhelming just to finally have an honset-to-God
friend. And I only sort of knew I found other guys attractive. I
didn't really know. Y'know?"

"So he never said anything?" Andrew asked, wide-eyed.

"Not really. He must have known I wasn't ready to deal with it."
Jonathan sighed. "He told me, before he had the courage to admit that
he was gay, there were times he was so scared and hated himself so
much, he just wanted to end things too. That's why he understood what
I was going through. That's why he wanted to help me." Jon found
himself feeling a tad choked-up. He had never discussed any of this
with anyone before. "He was such a great guy. Poor Larry."

"Did he..." Warren began to ask.

"Yeah." Jonathan nodded. "He was one of the people who died on
Graduation Day. God, I wish he was still alive."

"Wishing's dangerous in a place like Sunnydale, dude." Warren pointed
out. "You know that."

"No need to worry there, big guy." Jonathan's smile was bitter. "The
good wishes never come true."

"Well..." Andrew hesitated, then opened his arms wide. "I wish you'd
hug me."

Jonathan couldn't help it; He gaped. As gapes go, it was slight, but
it was still a gape. He could have easily burst out laughing at such a
cornball line (and from his expression, Warren was trying to keep
himself from doing exactly that), but one look at Andrew's open,
innocent face was all it took to convince him.

Without another word, he climbed onto Andy's lap, and rested his head
against Andy's chest. The other boy snugly wrapped his arms around
him. Jon hugged back, as best he could. Supporting both their weights,
Warren began rocking slightly. He reached around Andrew to stroke
Jonathan's hair, kissing the back of Andy's neck as he did so.

"Awwww." Warren purred. "Aren't you two sweet."

"Jon's the sweet one." Andrew murmured. He was feeling surprisingly
comfortable.

"No, Andy is." Jon said, snuggling in. "And I guess you are too,
Warren. In a snarky, lovable assholish/sitcom character kinda way."

"Why, Jonathan Levinson, you smooth-talking honey dripper." Warren
smiled, rubbing his face against Andrew's. Who didn't seem to mind at
all.