TOUCH ME IN THE MORNING

BY AMI (fuscia14@hotmail.com)

SUMMARY: A REFLECTIVE FIC IN ANDREW P.O.V.

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS,DARNIT,THEY BELONG TO JOSS AND ME N LUCKY PEOPLE LIKE THAT.AND DANNY TOM AND ADAM BELONG TO THEMSELVES,NEVER ME. AND THE BIT JUST BELOW IS A SONG BY THE SUPREMES,I DON'T OWN THAT EITHER.

TOUCH ME IN THE MORNING

Well, I can say goodbye in the cold morning light But I can't watch love die in the warmth of the night If I've got to be strong Don't you know I need to have tonight when you're gone? 'Till you go I need to lie here and think about The last time that you'll touch me in the morning Then just close the door Leave me as you found me, empty like before

 

-~-

 

He watched the shadows on the wall falling like waves on the ocean as the sun dipped down into the horizon.The day had been long,the night would be even longer since he was gone.

Their time had been warm,it had been special and all he could do now was assure himself he could get through this.He wondered how long it had been since he'd eaten,he couldn't show his pain, he couldn't let on he was weak.He was strong,he had to be.

He ran away from the place they had been,from the memories they had made,but they followed him wherever he went.Behind every door lay the whispers,lay the kisses.It had started so innocently between them. A lingering hand,a word,a moment.And as it passed he longed for it back and then another came and he took them in.And suddenly he looked forward to every day for their moments.For each stolen look,every innocence he wanted to be more.

And when it was more.When their lips finally met,when their hearts beat faster,finally he had felt the excitement rise up in his belly. Little did he know how limited their love would be.If it was love,or it was just play,it was something.And the touching amounted to a deep pleasure in the morning.A tender moment in the morning waking up in his arms,it was like nothing else.Maybe he saw another face,felt another body closing in on his.He cared for them both.He had heard them both sigh with pleasure.He had woken up with them both,feeling that they both had different reasons they had been with him.

It didn't matter now.All these reflections,these moments in time were just that,moments past.Every second he'd seen,every touch he'd felt was stolen away in several instances and all that was left was this windowsill,this chair,this darkness,these memories washing over him all at once.And it was he who had watched them pass,who had orchestrated this loneliness,this emptiness.It was his choice to listen.His choice to act on words spoken by the shadows of someone who wasn't there anymore.Someone gone.

He felt it overwelm him,everything that had happened,everything he had caused,everything he had taken away.Two Lives gone.Wasted.He was the result, a broken man,a man with a burden,a heavy heart. The most fantastic of memories were the moments that came first.The first kiss,the first stroke fallen swiftly like a painting,a blank canvas then overwelmed by strokes of color,shapes of the most erotic things.Thrown away.The one he had taken had made him feel different than the other one had.He had gone over it a thousand times.They had gone from the light to the dark,and then there was the stench of a soul taken away.It was my love,by my hand he was taken out of my arms.He couldn't recall the seconds before,they were a dismal blur. Plucked from his memories,but the things he wished to forget lingered there.Onward his thoughts pushed themselves.He could do nothing to shut them out so he let them go feeling the sting of tears in his eyes.

Good,he thought,I deserve this.He had exausted every reason to forget. How could he forget.Warren,he said aloud, it echoed in his head.He hadn't said that name for the longest time and here he spoke it aloud as he convulsed with tears.With Warren it had been a game,he had allowed himself to lie.To think,perhaps dream was the better word, that Warren felt more.And Jonathan,the pain was still fresh.Jonathan had not just been love making in the park by the light of the moon. He had allowed himself to love.To Love.Here it was and there was nothing left.He befriended the emptiness,an incurable apparition that he wanted to love the way he loved the others.He hugged himself now.

He hadn't slept,all that was left in his dreams was guilty nightmares he couldn't bear.He could never bear to let it all sink in,he couldn't own up to what he did.The games he played had always worked before.Now they had escaped him and he curled up in spite of himself.

Where had he signed up for this? Where had the innocence gone that he had once known.Everything had been so simple and now he was in the dark on the floor wishing the days would stop.That the devil spirit would stop appearing to him,telling him lies that he just believed because wasn't he his only friend? He might as well continue on this rotten existence he had made for himself.There was no way to get it all back. If only there were a way.

He sighed against floor where he lay crying.But he would pick himself up and he would go on.And one day he would find redemption but he would never reclaim what he had and that would be what would ultimately kill him.Until then.

 

 ~End~