Title:  What happened on the way home.

Author: The Bear!

Spoilers: 1^st and 2^nd season through Incan Mummy Girl

Pairing: Willow/Giles

Summary: Once again, Xander’s blind idiocy hurts Willow deeply.  Can Giles help her feel better?

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of this stuff.  (A vague disclaimer’s nobody’s friend)

Warning:  NC17 Ahoy!  This one is a little angsty, a little fluffy; but once again I feel I must remind everyone, my idea of sweetness and light usually includes BDSM (though perhaps not in this particular tale) and graphic sex (definitely present in this story!)

Distribution: “Jou want it?  Jou got it!”  Just let me know where you put it so I can go visit it.

Author’s note: For the purposes of this story, please ignore any romantic involvement between Ms. Calendar and Giles.

For Red- You earned this, Pet.

***

It started when Giles overheard Xander and Buffy talking.  Buffy asked Xander if he hadn’t ever thought about Willow in a ‘more than just friends’ way.

“She’s not the kind of girl that I think about her lips that much, she’s the kind of girl that I’m best friends with,” Xander had said, completely oblivious to the fact that Willow was standing not five meters away.  He saw her through the window in his office.  He saw the look of pain that crossed her features for a moment before she schooled her face into the mask she wore to cover her sadness.

“Damn that boy!” he thought.  He loved Xander like a son- despite his thick headedness at times, “Nearly all the bloody time,” he thought uncharitably.  However; sometimes he wanted to throttle him.  At the same time he admired Willow’s ability to put aside her personal feelings and help out the group- no matter how down she felt, she never used it to make Xander feel bad, she never turned her back on him no matter how he ignored her feelings or stepped all over her heart.  “Easy old man, you’re waxing poetic,” he thought. 

He loved Xander like a son, and Buffy like a daughter.  He told himself that he loved Willow like a daughter too.  Truly.

***

Giles’ feelings again came to the fore as Xander jumped in and offered to spend the day with that exchange student from South America- “Impata, I think her name was?” he thought.

He had tried to get Willow’s attention while she followed with her eyes as the two left his office.  “Boy they really like each other…” she said with such sadness in her voice that Giles felt his heart break in sympathy.

“How I would like to wrap her in my arms and offer her solace,” he thought.  He was uncertain how she would accept such a gesture.  He was even more uncertain as to whether he wanted to offer her a father’s comfort, or… He angrily shook off that line of thought as inappropriate. 

It was getting harder and harder to deny his attraction.

***

Giles walked up to the table where Buffy was looking at a shard of the mummy’s seal.  He was just in time to hear Buffy repeat her question to the distracted redhead.  He saw that she was toying with a stuffed frog.  Vaguely, he recalled that Xander had given her the stuffed animal in an attempt to help her face her fear of frogs.  “How adorable that she should be afraid of frogs,” He thought.  Buffy had mentioned it to him once and then sworn him to secrecy, as Willow was rather self conscious about it.

Giles knew that Xander truly loved Willow- as his lifelong best friend.  He recalled Buffy telling him that Xander had threatened to kill her if Willow had been harmed at the hands of the anointed one when they were taken by his minions at the beginning of the school year.  While it was laughable to imagine Xander trying to hurt the Slayer, Giles knew that his threat was meant seriously.  He was certain that the boy would lay his life down for the lovely redhead; but he was equally certain that he had no passion in his heart for her.  Giles ignored the part of his heart that quickened with pleasure in the knowledge that Xander would never try to take her away from him.  He locked that thought up in the darkest hidden recesses of his mind and threw away the key.  To distract his inner wrangling, he took the fragment away from Buffy and pretended to examine it while he eavesdropped on their conversation.

“Willow?” Buffy repeated.

“Oh yes… I’m caring about mummies,” Willow responded, not altogether convincingly.

Knowing what had the shy hacker distracted, Buffy tried to reassure her, “Impata’s only staying two weeks…”

Willow refused to be comforted.  “Yeah and then Xander can find someone else who’s not me to obsess about.  At least with you I knew he didn’t have a shot,” she finished sadly.  “Well you know I have a choice; I can wait until Xander goes out with every other girl in the world until he notices me.  Or, I can just get on with my life,” She stated with apparent resolve.

“Good for you!” Buffy said, trying to support her best friend. 

Giles silently echoed Buffy’s sentiment.

Resolve crumbling, Willow added, “Well, I didn’t choose yet…”

Giles appeared to be studying the plate through the magnifying glass, but really he was focused on Willow’s words, as the hopelessness and dejection poured through.  Finally he had had enough and the words “Good Lord” slipped out of his mouth.  He quickly covered by telling Buffy “good work” and pressing forth the theory that he had already deduced- that the mummy had been the killer- as though he had just that moment come to the conclusion.

He put off the rest of the discussion by saying they would have to find the rest of the answers with further study of the seal.  What he really wanted to do was get away from Willow before his true feelings poured forth.  “Damn that idiot boy” he again thought.  “How can he not see how Willow feels about him?  Surely he cannot be that blind.”  The thought struck him that perhaps Xander did know, and simply was too immature to confront Willow with his feelings.  “Or foolish lack thereof,” he thought.  “How could anyone not fall madly in love with Willow once they knew her?” he asked himself rhetorically.

Though such a confrontation would doubtless be quite painful, perhaps then Willow might be able to move on.  Her heart could then begin to heal instead of breaking every time Xander made some insensitive statement or social faux pas.  “Maybe you could use that as an excuse to take advantage of a girl half your age, Ripper.  Isn’t that what you really want?”  Ruthlessly he tamped down that voice and the ideas that went with it; still imagining that denial was the best, the only course of action.

It was only minutes later that he witnessed Willow’s selfless sacrifice, encouraging Xander to take Impata to the dance without her.  He was lost at that point.  Such nobility, such loyalty in a girl so young.  His love for her was undeniable.  Undeniable and impossible.  “You’re kidding yourself, old man.  Such a sweet innocent girl could never be interested in someone like you,” he thought. 

And that was for the best, wasn’t it?  If denial was impossible, he could cling to the certainty that his feelings would never be reciprocated.

***

Things came to a head after the battle with the mummy was concluded.

As they left the museum Giles volunteered to drop them all off.  He later thought that It must have been fate that the last house would be Willow’s.

***

Giles was switching back and forth between appallingly graphic sexual fantasies about the sweet, innocent girl seated next to him in his ancient Citroën; and ferociously chastising himself for such lurid envisioning.

Ripper was coming out to play, at least in his mind’s eye.  He pictured Willow bent over his knee, the pale skin on her dainty bum turned hotly red by the stinging blows of his open hand.  He imagined her shackled to a St. Andrews Cross, as he flogged every inch of her skin until she passed out from the pleasure and pain.  He imagined her on her knees, hands bound behind her as she took him into her mouth.

Willow was concerned by Giles silence.  He seemed to be lost in thought, his eyes slightly glazed.  “Maybe it’s just the reflection from his glasses,” she thought. 

Her own thoughts were extremely depressing.  First, she remembered with pleasure the way Xander had stood up for her when the mummy girl wanted to suck the life out of her.  He had been willing to sacrifice his own life to save hers, even though he obviously had feelings for the Incan Princess.  Those thoughts brought warmth and pleasure to her.  They were, however overwhelmed by the certainty that Xander had not the slightest bit of desire for her.  He loved her, like a sister, not like someone he could ever be interested in romantically.  Willow had always known intellectually that Xander would never want her, but she had allowed herself to hold out some inane hope that, maybe, someday, he might see her as a girl, and not just a buddy.  “Why would he ever want me?  I’m not pretty, like Buffy.  I don’t dress sexy, like Buffy.  I’m just a big spaz, unlike Buffy,” she thought despondently.  “I just need to face facts.  Buffy’s everything a man wants in a woman.  Whereas I am the exact opposite- I’m nothing that anyone wants in a woman.”

Desperate to escape her depressing thoughts she decided to see what had Giles so preoccupied.

“What’cha thinking about, Giles?” she said, trying to sound as close to her normal voice as possible.

Giles was startled out of a particularly erotic visual of Willow bound and blindfolded as he stroked her nubile young body with a mink glove, causing her to writhe and moan in rapturous bliss.  “What?  Nothing!” he asked more sharply than he intended.  Seeing the wounded expression in her eyes, he kicked himself mentally.  “I… I… I apologize Willow, I was just thinking that I… had… left… something important at the library,” he finished hastily, trying to cover for his distraction.

“Oh,” Willow said somewhat puzzled by Giles reaction.

“Yes, well, I had a new text that I had intended to take home to research tonight, that’s all,” Giles said, unable to stop his verbal hemorrhaging as his mind was wracked with guilt at his lack of self control.

Willow, being Willow- which is synonymous with eagerly helpful- said brightly, “Well, that’s Ok Giles.  The library’s on the way to my house anyway.  I don’t mind stopping there to get your book.”  She was pleased to have any distraction, and of course Willow loved to solve problems, no matter how small.

Giles once again cursed himself for his own stupidity and mental feebleness.  “Of course you don’t,” he muttered.  Now he was stuck.  She seemed so pleased to have resolved his ‘dilemma’ that denying her suggestion would be tantamount to kicking a puppy. “Right then.  Thank you Willow.  We’ll just stop off on the way.”

***

Giles didn’t say a word to her for the remainder of the drive to the library.  When they got out of the car- “couldn’t bloody well leave her in the car, by herself, at night, in bloody Sunnydale, could I?” he thought- his body language was stiff and he unconsciously projected outward his anger at himself.

Willow, ever sensitive to the emotional disposition and needs of those around her, picked up on Giles impatience and irritation.  Being Willow, also synonymous with being insecure and lacking confidence, she assumed that she was the cause of Giles exasperation.  She sat quietly at the table while he brusquely moved about his office looking for the book he wanted.  When he came back out she timidly asked, “Giles?”

Giles stopped and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm himself; completely unaware that his actions were feeding even more into the girl’s mistaken belief that he was angry with her.  “Yes, Willow?” he said flatly.

If it was possible, Willow shrunk even further into herself.  In a small voice she said, “I’m sorry Giles.”

Giles didn’t understand what she was getting at and asked, “For what?”

The emotional upheavals of the day became too much for Willow, despite her resolve to be strong, her eyes became glassy with unshed tears.  One tear broke free and traced a burning path down her cheek.  Embarrassed at her childishly emotional display, she furiously wiped the tear away as she answered, “For what ever I did to make you mad at me.”

Giles gaped at her, his mouth moving like a fish out of water.

Finally her strength failed her utterly and she broke down, hot tears pouring down her face as her insecurity and self-recrimination poured forth from her mouth.

I’m such a stupid, useless, good for nothing… I don’t know why I wore this stupid costume.  No wonder no one could ever want me,” she gestured angrily at her outfit.  “I’m a scrawny, ugly, unsexy, stupid little girl.  And, I wasted your time and its no wonder you’re mad at me- I just get in the way of everything and everybody and… and…” Willow ramped up into full babble mode as all of her fears came bubbling to a head.

Giles stood in place like a pole-axed steer as unimaginable pain and anguish poured out of the trembling redhead before him.

Willow had never told Buffy, or anyone else- she had barely admitted it to herself- but she had a crush on Giles.  Yes, she still had wanted Xander- the boy she had loved for what seemed like her whole life, but- in her deepest fantasies, where she imagined things she knew could never come true- she carried a torch for the older man.  So it was especially mortifying to her as she drew in a harsh, sobbing breath and cried out in abject misery, “Why won’t anybody love me, Giles?  Why am I so ugly, and stupid, and why won’t anyone ever want me?”  She wrapped her arms around her stomach and bent over double as the great, heaving sobs wracked her thin frame.

Giles felt like… well it felt exactly like the time Buffy had missed the pad and landed a spinning back kick right on his solar plexus.  He was unable to breathe as Willow’s torment spilled forth.  He thought surely that he would retch.  He dropped to his knees as she bent over and began wailing.  His own face became wet with the painful, guilty tears.  His behavior had been inexcusable, and his anger at himself had pushed this vulnerable girl over the edge. 

Even though he knew he shouldn’t; knew that it would be wrong; he couldn’t hide his feelings from her any longer.  She had to know that she was cherished and desired.  He loved and wanted her with every last bit of his heart and soul.  Reaching out to the sobbing girl he gently brought up her chin, wet from her tears.  His heart tore asunder at the look of absolute emotional agony on her face. 

“I love you Willow.  I want you.  God help me, but I do want you so.”  Seeing disbelief on her face, he revealed himself completely to her.  “There’s no book.  I was lost in thought about you.  I am ashamed to admit that I was fantasizing about you, Willow.”  He began to wipe her tears away with his free hand.  “I was angry with myself for having such inappropriate thoughts and feelings for a student in my charge.  When you confronted me, I blurted out the first idea I could think of.”  Shaking his head apologetically, he added, “Not a very good one, I’m afraid.”

Giles pulled slightly back from her, seeing that he had her attention, if not her belief yet.  “I love Buffy and Xander like my own children.” He said.  Then he smiled ruefully and gave her that self-deprecating chuckle that always made her tingle down low in her belly.  “I tried to convince myself that my feelings for you fell into that same category.”  Once again making direct eye contact, he continued, “They don’t.  My heart doesn’t skip a beat when Buffy walks into the room.  Shivers don’t run down my spine when she smiles at me.  No my dear girl, those feeling are reserved for you alone.”

Willow was stunned.  Her heart was on an emotional roller coaster and she was poised at the top of a steep drop.  She wanted to believe.  She desperately wanted to accept Giles at face value, but her insecurity wouldn’t allow it.  “Prove it,” she whispered.

***

Giles reacted as though he had been slapped.  When he recovered he stupidly asked, “What?”

Willow inched forward on the track towards that steep drop, “I said prove it!”  Her voice was brittle.

Giles hand slid along her chin until it was wrapped around the back of her neck.  “Are you sure, Willow?” he asked, on the verge of loosing control himself.

Willow sensed the change in the air- the impending… *something*  “I’m sure,” she said breathily.

Giles assaulted her hot mouth, tasting the salty tears combined with the essence of Willow.  Within moments they were tearing at each other’s clothes in a frenzy- frantic to get skin on skin.

Willow found herself laying back on the table, completely naked, and not quite remembering how she had made it from first kiss to this.  An equally naked Giles was suckling on her breast and any concerns about how she had gotten to this point were erased by the amazing sensations sweeping through her.

Giles had retained barely enough control to keep from hurting the girl with his unfettered passion.  “She’s never done this before, be gentle!” kept running through his head.  Any thoughts about impropriety were completely forgotten as he was overcome by lust.

Willow thought she was going to die when Giles mouth began moving across her virgin pussy.  The shock of pleasure, the sound of his lips sucking up her juices, the feel of his tongue against her most private parts… sensation was coiling up inside her like she had never felt before.  She was frightened by it, she thought she would explode if something didn’t relieve this pressure.  “Oh Giles!” she screamed.  And finally the pressure was released and lapping waves of pleasure flowed through her body as she experienced her first orgasm, ever. 

Then came the shock of pain as Giles plunged his steel hard shaft into her untouched center.  The pain was quickly replaced by an aching pleasure as he stretched her open for the very first time.  The amazing feeling of him sliding in and out of her reduced her to moans and groans.

Giles echoed her groaning with his own as his member was wrapped in the tight, slick, velvet heat of her narrow tunnel.  He pistoned in and out, building up speed until she was once again close to the verge of orgasm.  He was on the ragged edge himself and brought his thumb down on her clit, mashing it into his cock as it slid back and forth.  It was only a few moments later that he couldn’t hold on any more and began to fiercely pump into her as he came.  He was relieved to feel her walls fluttering around him as the first jet of semen left his body.

Willow screamed as her second orgasm of her entire life spiked through her- twice as intense as the first. 

Giles collapsed, barely supporting himself on his elbows to keep from crushing the young girl beneath him.

Willow wrapped her arms and legs fiercely about Giles body, not wanting him to pull away.  “I love you! I love you!  I love you!” she chanted into his ear.

He whispered back, “I love you too, Willow.  God help me, I love you so much.”

Neither of them gave a moment’s thought to what would happen next.  They were both content to exist in this perfect moment for as long as possible.

The end?