GONE

 

From Leoff at LeoffOnline

 

 

Previously (“on Buffy the Vampire Slayer” is not said): Buffy and Spike having “fun,” Buffy showing disgust at her actions, Dawn asks Willow if that is the way to the movies, Willow and Dawn at Racks, Car Crash, Willow’s confession to Buffy that she needs help, Supergeeks stealing diamond.

 

A large pile of magic items sits on a table.  We see a crystal ball, herbs, and tarot cards sitting in a pile before they are swept aside into a trunk.  Buffy and Dawn (with her arm in a sling) are making the house “magic-item free” to help Willow’s “temptations” to use magic.  Dawn protests when Buffy starts packing candles away “well, yeah, to you and me they’re just candles, but to witches they’re like… bongs.”  Willow looks on, sitting on the bed, looking very exhausted.  She brings up two crystals that sit in a peacock shaped container “They were Tara’s…”  Buffy finds them and tells Willow she’ll return them.

 

In the living room Buffy carries a box of Magic items into the living room with Dawn and asks her to grab a nearby fertility god idol on a nearby shelf.  Dawn complains again, not wanting to get rid of so many things she likes, but Buffy re-enforces the fact that this is to help Willow in her magic recovery, saying that they have to get rid of anything that reminds her and tempts her.  Buffy says this just as she sits on the couch and searches the cushions.  She comes across a lighter… and has flashbacks to her “evening” with Spike!  “And that would be bad…” she says, half to herself.

 

A large diamond, the one recently stolen from the museum, is taken from a case.  Warren places the diamond in some sort of holder and secures it down, announcing “It’s finally done!”  Andrew and Johnathon complain that it looks clunky and uncool.  Warren gets pissed and says he’ll show them how cool it is.  He grabs the “gun” and swings it around (scaring Andrew and Johnathon), and then aims it at their swivel recliner.  ZAP!  A Ghostbusters-type of beam shoots out, strikes the chair, and poof!  Chair is gone.  Andrew goes to investigate, followed by Johnathon.  The three are amazed as Johnathon sits in the now invisible chair!  (good special effects here).  Johnathon calls it a successful test, but Warren says “oh, that’s only half the test!” as he makes some adjustments to the invisibility gun and fires again at the chair with Johnathon in it!  ZAP!  The chair is back to normal, and Johnathon is freaked “You PENIS!”  Warren gloats that with their brains they’ve made an invisibility ray, and that makes them pretty much unstoppable.

 

Opening credits: No changes.

 

Buffy calls Dawn down to get ready to go to school as Willow makes breakfast the old fashioned way, with her hands.  Buffy asks how she’s doing.  Willow looks very tired and drained, saying that she’s not ready to return to school yet.  She’ll spend the day surfing the net for info on the stolen diamond.  Dawn walks in and is very cold to both Willow  and Buffy.  They offer her breakfast, she refuses.  Dawn drinks some juice and barges out.  Willow says she understands why Dawn’s angry with her, but why Buffy?  Buffy says “because I let it happen.”

 

The back kitchen door bursts open with a smoking, blanket-covered Spike!  He stamps out the smoldering blanket, collects himself, and says calmly “good morning.”  “You couldn’t find a less flammable type of day to take a stroll?” Buffy asks, not looking pleased to see him.  Spike says he’s stopped by to see if his lighter was here.  Buffy quickly says “haven’t seen it.”  Willow leaves, saying she’s going to get dressed, leaving Buffy and Spike alone.

 

“Lame… you, making up excuses.”  Buffy says. 

 

“Don’t flatter yourself, love… I was bloody fond of that lighter.” Spike says.

 

“Stop trying to see me, and stop calling me that.”

 

“So, what should I call you then?  Pet?  Sweetheart?  Goldilocks?”  Spike caresses her hair “You know I love this hair… the way it bounces around.”

 

The sexual tension between the two is thick, just before…

 

“Good god pre-Cambridge, Spike!” Xander says in shock in the doorway.  “Still trying to mack on Buffy?  Wake up already… never gonna happen.  Only a complete loser would hook up with you… unless they’re a simpleton like Harmony or a complete nut-job like Drusill…”

 

“HEY!” Buffy defends.  “You’ve… got to go get Dawn to school!”

 

Buffy calls for Dawn as she and Xander meet Dawn at the front door.  Buffy drills Dawn about being home right after school, where Dawn throws in a jab about Buffy finding time to get her into another car accident.  This is said right as Buffy opens the door… to a new person!  Doris Kroger from social services!  Dawn and Xander leave as Buffy is obviously taken completely at a loss, not remembering the scheduled meeting.  They walk into the living room, finding Spike relaxing, wondering when they’re going to have their “talk.”  Buffy nervously introduces the social services lady, which makes Spike jump up and defend Buffy’s motherhood over Dawn.  “She takes good care of Dawn, like, when Dawn was hanging out too much at my crypt…” “Crib” Buffy corrects as she ushers Spike out of the room. 

 

Doris asks if Spike sleeps here, which Buffy vehemently denies.  Buffy says it’s just she and Dawn living there… JUST as Willow calls down, saying she’s tired and gonna take a nap.  Social Services lady questions her living with another woman, which Buffy says yes, but it’s not a gay thing, even though Willow is gay, etc…  Doris then looks over at the box of magic items and pulls out a bag of herbs.  “That’s not what it looks like!” Buffy defends… “It’s MAGIC weed.” 

 

“I think I’ve seen enough” Doris says and starts to leave.  Buffy says there’s much more to the story and she has good reasons, but Doris tells of Dawn’s constant tardiness and low grades at school.  Doris announces that Buffy is on probation, which means she’ll be watching VERY carefully and if things are not improved, Buffy could lose guardianship.  “Didn’t go well, huh?”  Spike asks from behind Buffy.  Buffy turns and orders him to leave.  He corners her against the doorframe and starts feeling her… pocket.  He grabs his lighter, quips that’s all he wanted, and leaves with “So long, Goldilocks.”

 

Buffy goes upstairs and starts to cry.  She sits slumped on her bed and looks in the mirror… she is disgusted by her image of what Spike sees, finds some scissors in a near drawer, and starts hacking at her long locks.

 

Sitting in a beauty salon, Buffy tells the hairstylist “just make me… different.”

 

Warren walks with invisibility gun in hand with Andrew and Jonathon trailing.  They march up to a tanning salon.  Andrew worries they’ll get caught, but Jonathon says they’ll be invisible.  Warren starts to get ready to blast Andrew and Jonathon, but Andrew spots the slayer!  Warren turns and hides the invisibility gun behind him.  Buffy doesn’t notice as she walks nearer.  Warren feels… Nothing in his hand!  From around the corner, Warren finds Andrew and Jonathon arguing and wrestling with the gun (which is heard powering up).  Andrew: “I need to be invisible!”  “I need to be invisible more so Buffy can’t see me!” says Jonathon.  Warren joins the struggle as the gun goes off!  It blasts Buffy, a large tree, a traffic cone, a fire hydrant, and a dumpster, turning all invisible.  “oopsy” says Andrew.

 

Commercial break: Windex makes it SHINE!

 

At the magic box, Xander and Anya discuss seating arrangements for the wedding.  Anya defends her wanting to invite her “ex boss” D’hoffryn just as an invisible Buffy walks in the front door.  Remarking on the bad seating layout, Buffy scares Xander, who starts looking around for the not-in-sight slayer.  Buffy doesn’t joke long, though… “Don’t strain yourself looking, Xander… I’m invisible girl.”  Xander thinks for a moment, then asks if Buffy’s been feeling “ignored” lately.  “Ignored?  I wish.  No, this isn’t a Marcy deal.”  Buffy says, continuing with telling how she’s not sure how it happened.  Buffy tells of her bad day calmly to a still bemused Xander and Anya.  Buffy plays and jokes with two decorative ball-things, then an old skull, while Xander and Anya try to figure out who would turn her invisible, how to turn her back, etc.  Xander decides to go check the spot where Buffy disappeared.  Buffy says that sounds good as she announces she’s going for a walk and leaves.  Anya says it’s pretty obviousl that this is a spell.  Xander asks who would cast that type of spell, to make a slayer invisible?  Anya retorts that it might be a mistake, which gets Xander thinking…

 

Willow sits at the dining room table, typing on her iBook laptop.  She sees a book that she needs at the other end of the table and STARTS to use magic to bring it to her, but stops herself, JUST as Xander walks in.  She fears she’s been caught as Xander says they have to talk.  Willow thinks Xander is talking about her little magic use right now, but Xander really is hinting at the imagined invisible Buffy spell he THINKS Willow cast.  Finally Xander sees that Willow doesn’t understand what he’s talking about and tells that Buffy’s invisible.  Willow is hurt that he thought she did this to Buffy.  “So now when anything nasty happens I get conveniently blamed for it?”  Xander believes she didn’t do it, but Willow walks out in a huff.

 

In tres geeks basement, Warren tries to fix the invisibility gun.  The circuits are fried from the struggle and mega-long blast.  All three start to get nervous at the thought of an invisible slayer (even getting paranoid for a moment).

 

In a park, Buffy starts to have fun with her “unseen” appearance.  She scares a woman by removing an ugly studded baseball cap, claiming she’s the ghost of fashion victims past, then take’s a policeman’s golf cart on a little spin.  She pulls up to the Social Services office and decides to give Doris Kroger a visit.

 

Inside, Doris thinks she’s going nuts after her coffee mug starts disappearing, reappearing, moving, and then dancing, saying “kill kill kill… Kill Doris.  Kill everybody… you know you want to.”  Doris goes off to collect herself as invisible Buffy finds her case file on Doris’ desk.  Doris’s boss approaches a bothered Doris, wanting to discuss the Summers case file.  Doris walks over to her desk and hands him the file, but all that’s inside is sheet after sheet of paper that reads “All work and no play makes Doris a dull girl.”  The nearby computer printer also spews out the same sheets.  Doris then tells her boss that it was the voice… Her boss tells her to take a break, see her doctor, and that they’ll re-do the Summers interview.  Buffy marches out of the social services office, whistling a line or two from “Going through the Motions.”

 

Xander walks up to an alley where he finds Willow spray painting the dumpster so it can be seen.  Willow confronts Xander about not getting on her case, which Xander makes Xander go on the defensive.  Willow apologizes as she starts pointing out clues in the area of Buffy’s disappearance.  She found black paint on an invisible fire hydrant, along with tire marks.  Xander reasons the black paint might belong to Buffy’s phantom van that’s been following her.  The two also stumble across the invisible traffic cone and decide to take it with them so they can find out what kind of “spell” it is.

 

Spike sits, watching some cheesy movie, as he sees his crypt door open and close by itself.  Spike starts taunting the “beasty”, saying to get lost.  Invisible Buffy brushes by him, then he reason’s it’s a ghost, but then the “ghost” throws Spike up against a wall and pins him.  Suddenly his shirt rips open!  “Buffy?”  He asks, to which she replies “I TOLD you… stop trying to see me.”  Spike gets thrown aside…

 

At the Magic Box, Anya and Xander pour over books, looking for invisibility spells.  Anya has other things on her mind, though, and brings up wedding seating arrangements again.  Xander rebukes her, but Anya says she can’t find any spells that would turn Buffy and anything near her invisible, as she reaches for the now-visible-thanks-to-spray-paint traffic cone.  Part of the cone crumbles in her hand, turning to “pudding” as she puts it.  Xander does a test and his hand goes easily into the cone, leaving a pudding residue.  Xander says they have to get a hold of Buffy quick before she starts to turn into pudding herself!

 

Commercial break:  Got gas?  Visit your local BP station!

 

Back at tres geeks lair, Warren continues to repair the invisibility gun while the three discuss the “degrading” qualities of the invisibility ray.  Andrew and Jonathon worry about Buffy, not wanting to kill her, but Warren starts to show his true colors, saying that they’re villains and it shouldn’t matter.  Andrew and Jonathon argue that they’re crime lords and they don’t’ want to kill anyone.  Jonathon stands up to Warren, ordering him to finish the invisibility gun so they can “re-invisible” Buffy and save her.  Warren backs down, saying “fine… whatever you two say.”

 

Xander walks in Spikes crypt door.  He looks around and sees the place trashed!  Going deeper into his crypt, Xander comes across Spike in bed.  Naked… on top of… something.  Xander asks what he’s doing.  Spike is kinda embarrassed, claiming he’s doing pushups!  Xander, still wondering, says he’s looking for Buffy.  Spike tries to answer, have a coherent conversation with him, but Buffy is toying with Spike, nibbling on his ear, kissing his neck, etc…  Xander leaves finally as Spike talks to Buffy.  She seems free and reckless and it’s not right.  She says that she does feel free from responsibilities and is gonna have some long overdue fun, but Spike throws her out.  Well, tries to throw her out, as she does “something” for him in the neither regions.

 

Sitting at a computer terminal (in what looks like a cyber-café), Willow looks up information on a DMV computer system, trying to track the van.  The “searching” is gong slow, and she is tempted to place her hand on the screen and help it speed things along with magic, but again catches herself as the search completes itself.

 

Buffy walks down her neighborhood street, kicking a can, complaining that she actually got kicked out of Spike’s crypt!  She walks into her front door and calls for Willow and Dawn.  Nobody answers as she goes to get something from the fridge.  Just then Dawn sneaks in the back door, acting all quiet.  Buffy says “there you are” quite calmly.  She tells Dawn she’s invisible and then does tricks and jokes with a pizza box, but Dawn is very shaken.  Buffy acts as if it’s ok, saying Anya and Xander are working on the invisibility problem, but Dawn gets upset, asking Buffy why she isn’t working on it?  Dawn is obviously very bothered by this and storms out because she can’t talk to someone she can’t see.  Invisible Buffy sees the phone answering machine message flashing and plays it.  It’s Xander, giving Buffy warning that if they don’t correct this invisibility thing soon, she might dissolve or fade into nothing!  “Wow” Buffy remarks.

 

Having traced the license plate of tres geeks van to their lair, Willow sneaks up on the place.  She goes in through the basement door and looks around, spotting all the weird geek-like stuff.  She sees blueprints for the invisibility ray and smiles, knowing what happened.  She then sees the invisibility gun itself and approaches it, as we hear Warren yell “NOW!”  Two invisible geeks grab her by the arms while invisible Warren says “congratulations, you’re our first hostage.” 

 

Commercial: FantasyBots, Inc.  Making your Buffy-filled fantasies come true!

 

Buffy calls up to Dawn, saying she’s going out to find Xander, just as the phone rings.  Buffy answers and the voice on the other end says that she doesn’t have a lot of time.  They’ve got Willow, and if Buffy doesn’t want anything bad to happen to her, she’ll meet them.  “Where?” Buffy asks.

 

In an Arcade!  Willow stands by a pinball machine as Warren’s voice is heard saying “Just stay still and you won’t get hurt.”  Buffy’s voice appears out of nowhere, asking Willow where the bad guys are?  Willow says nearby, but there’s only three of them… she thinks.  Warren says they can cause plenty of carnage, right guys?   GUYS?!?  Andrew and Jonathon are playing a videogame but give it up.  Going over to someplace a little less crowded, Willow says that the geeks told her everything, Buffy says she already knows about the deadly properties.  Warren’s voice says “I can fix that” as the invisibility gun appears!  Warren asks Buffy to hold up an air hockey mallet off the table so he’ll have something to aim at, which Buffy does.  But Willow notices the settings on the gun aren’t right and that Warren is going to kill Buffy!  The other two geeks argue as Warren hits Willow in the face with the gun butt.  Buffy throws the air hockey mallet at invisible Warren and he drops the gun.

 

Then, what follows is a weirdly funny fight scene.  The camera follows the “action” all around the arcade as we here punches and “ooffs”.  Willow picks up the invisibility gun, re-adjusts the settings, and blasts Jonathon and Buffy back into sight!  “Jonathon?!?”  Buffy says, surprised.  Willow blasts Warren.  “Warren?!?”  Again surprised Buffy.  Willow blasts Andrew.  “Who are you?” Buffy asks, as Andrew explains that he released flying monkey demons at the school play, he’s Tucker’s brother, which then helps Buffy.  The three geeks gather together, announcing that they are Buffy’s arch nemesis’s… nemesiees. Warren takes charge “You may have beaten us this time slayer, but next time… next time… um…”  “Maybe not!” says Jonathon as he throws down a smoke cloud burst.  Buffy and Willow look around confused, then the smoke clears to reveal the Troika trying to undo a locked door in the back of the arcade.  A rent-a-cop shows up just as the three manage to escape.  “Oh my God, Buffy…”  Willow gasps.  Buffy says she’s right, they should go after them, but Willow says “No… your hair!  It is adorable!”

 

Willow and Buffy walk out of the arcade slowly.  Willow says that it was a hard, exhausting day for her, having to actually DO everything without magic.  Willow asks Buffy how she’s doing, post-invisibility.  Buffy says she’s ok, but she has to do some damage control with Dawn, who was pretty upset.  The “vacation from me” thing didn’t work out too well.  BUT, receiving Xander’s message that she was fading away actually scared her.  She now realizes that she doesn’t want to die.  “So I guess we both made good first steps… yay for us” Willow says calmly.  “Yay” Buffy answers.

 

Grr… arrg…