HELLS BELLS
 
SUMMARY WRITTEN BY LEOFF

 

 

Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

Previously: Buffy seduces Spike, Xander's proposal to Anya, Xander and Anya's announcement to the others, wedding plans, Tara and Willow's breakup, Dawn and Willow talk of things being better with Tara, Buffy dumps Spike, Dawn talks to guidance counselor, Halfek grants Dawn's wish. 

 

As an ominous storm falls outside the window, Buffy and Willow stand with horrified faces as they look at their bridesmaid's dresses in a mirror (complete with lightning and thunder effects). Buffy says for her, it's the burden of the Bridesmaid, but Willow wonders why she, as best man, has to also endure the ugliness of the dress? Willow then talks of how bad the prior night's rehearsal dinner went. Buffy can't believe that Xander's family bought the story that Anya's demon friends are "Circus Folk," but Xander's family isn't much better, apparently having consumed much of the alcoholic beverages. 

 

Anya then walks in in her robe, sees the two girls, gets a shocked, surprised look on her face, and runs up to them, hugging them both, saying "Oh, you guys look so beautiful! This is the happiest day of my whole life!" 

 

Xander, clad in his tuxedo minus jacket, asks his Uncle Rory where his cufflinks are, but Uncle Rory (in his robe and underwear) is busy trying to "fix" the coffee maker. A younger male demon who's raiding the nearby fridge offers to help Uncle Rory, who thanks Kevin for his help. "It's Krevin, actually." The demon corrects him. 

 

In walk Mr. and Mrs. Harris, who complain about the rain. Mr. Harris then starts to throw some jibes at Krevin, insulting his "heritage" of being a Circus person. Mrs. Harris keeps saying she's not going to be in the wedding pictures because of the way she looks. 

 

Cousin Carol, who has been watching from the sidelines, then takes Xander aside and wants to know if it would be wrong for her, a single mom, to date "Krevin," despite his skin condition. Xander's only answer to her is "Cousin Carol, your earrings are my cufflinks!" Relieved that he found them, Xander says "now nothing on Earth can stop this wedding now!" 

 

Outside, an old man appears out of nowhere in a burst of flame and walks down the street, carrying an umbrella in the pouring rain. 

 

Opening Credits: Nothing new. 

 

Xander, searching for air, stands in front of a mirror as Buffy straps on his cummerbund, which is unexpectedly tight compared to earlier that morning. Turning him around to put on his tie, Buffy and Xander talk about how happy he is, and how happy she is for both of her friends, seeing hope at the end of "this very long, long nasty tunnel" of life. Buffy can't tie the tie though, and asks where his "best man" is. Xander says Willow had to take care of something. 

 

Helping Anya button up the back of her dress, Willow and Tara smile at each other sweetly as Anya recites her wedding vows (while wearing a water-mask): 

 

"I Anya, promise to love you, to cherish you, to honor you, but not to obey you, of course, because that is antichloristic and misogynistic, and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something, um, however, I do entrust you with my heart. Take care of my heart, won't you please? Take care of it because it's all that I have, and if you let me, I'll take care of your heart to, and protect it and take care of it like a stray, no, like a little mangy stray" 

 

During her practice, Willow and Tara continue to smile and giggle at each other, half at Anya's vows, half at the love and romance they feel between themselves. Finishing the back adjustments, the two women stand back and look at Anya in her odd wedding dress: a white sleeveless, shoulder-less number with what look like felt shells (or flowers?) covering the entire dress, which is very "tapered" near the bottom. Anya is happy and giddy, wanting to see Xander before the wedding. "I get to be with my best friend forever!" she says, and adds "Yay!" 

 

And the location of this special, rainy day ceremony? The Sunnydale Bison Lodge. Wedding guests slowly file in the main entrance, out of the rain. Uncle Rory introduces his "date" for the evening (really one of the caterers who was shanghaied) to Dawn before she turns to greet other guests. Uncle Rory takes the poor caterer aside and explains to her how badly a nearby stuffed bison head (which hangs on a wall) was prepared. He used to be a taxidermist, but now he likes stuffing other things in his spare time. 

 

Dawn greets a demon bearing a "squirmy" gift It's D'Hoffryn! Halfrek walks up behind in the same type of bridesmaids dress Dawn, Tara, Willow, and Buffy are wearing. Halfrek asks Dawn if everything is going ok after her wish was made, but the demon who brought the squirmy gift asks Hallie to take the day off, it's a wedding! 

 

Dawn then spots Spike walk in with a girl on his arm. She walks up as Spike introduces his "date." The punkish goth girl simply says "uh huh" and looks as if she could care less about being there. Spike says "so, anyways, that's my date. She's with me. My date for the wedding." 

 

Uncle Rory and Mrs. Harris talks with Clem and another demon about the Circus folk from Anya's side of the family, then says that Xander isn't going to raise his children in some "cult" like atmosphere, but after the other demon takes offense, Cousin Carol speaks up, saying that the Harris's are very open minded "We're Episcopalians." In the background we see Mr. Harris at the bar, slamming one home and asking for another. 

 

The mysterious old man, not dressed for the occasion, walks among the gathered guests, looking for something or someone. 

 

A dapper, tuxedo'ed Xander presents himself for inspection to Buffy, who looks him over, sees everything's ok, and walks up and hugs him, saying that she hopes she's as lucky as he and Anya someday. "You wanna get lucky? Still got 20 minutes" Xander jokes. The two walk out of the side room and go over the final plans ("number one, don't let dad near the bar. Number two, don't let mom near the bar") as Dawn walks up and tells them about Spike's date for the wedding. Buffy asks "Spike brought a date?" 

 

Xander leaves the two girls as he goes to nervously meet and greet his friends and relatives. Shaking hands and smiling at the guests, Xander is soon barraged with troubled people. The mysterious old man tries to get his attention, while Dawn announces that one of the wedding presents got "loose" and Mrs. Harris complains about being seated in the third row. The old man then grabs Xander to the side and tells him that he cannot get married! Xander looks at him, confused, not recognizing him. "You have to believe me. I'm Xander Harris. I'm YOU" the old man says. 

 

Commercial Break: XenaMastaCarbo-Lux! Now make even your very bone structure into pure MUSCLE! 

 

A clearly non-believing Xander thinks the old man is a nut ball, then is distracted by his drunken father, who starts to make a toast to the Harris clan. The old man gets Xander's attention again, saying he can prove he's Xander from the future. He pulls out a small, glowing crystal orb which Xander sees, then follows the old man, willing to listen. 

 

Mr. Harris continues his insulting, drunken toast to the happy couple, to his wife, and then manages to insult the "dermitollogically challenged" relatives of Anya, before one of them takes offence and says to sit down. Mr. Harris says he paid for everything here, so if this guy wants him to sit down, he's gonna have to make him sit down! The demon starts forward, looking to fight, before Buffy interrupts, escorting Mr. Harris away and talking about getting some nice hot coffee. Mr. Harris, of course, hits on her. 

 

In a side room, "Future Xander" tells Xander to look into the crystal, saying he'll see what he's seen, feel what he's felt. The crystal lights up Xander's face before it seems to absorb him inside! 

 

Xander sits, dressed in his tux, slumped in a recliner, remote and beer in hands, watching a football game. He calls for Anya, but instead sees a boy and girl run in. "Josh teases Sarah about, who has large, pointy demon ears. The two run off as Anya walks in, getting ready to go to a makeover party to make money. Xander asks what he's supposed to do, she knows that his back is blown out. Anya snipes back, saying it's because of all the demon fighting with Buffy that he has a bad back, and that they still weren't able to save her! Anya walks out coldly. 

 

Flash forward to Xander (still young and in his tux), and an older Anya sitting in a restaurant. The two sit with their kids, who are now teens and who are still bickering. Xander has had a lot to drink and Anya points it out. Sarah starts yelling, saying that she knows Xander isn't her real father and wishes he was dead. 

 

Flash forward to a still young and tux-clad Xander arguing with an aged Anya in their kitchen. Anya says she misses the touch, but Xander says she doesn't miss the touch cause she found it with someone else. Anya counters, saying that she wouldn't have had to if he would have tried to touch her since Buffy's death. Xander gets mad at her bringing Buffy up yet again. Anya start SCREAMING at Xander before Xander picks up a frying pan and strikes Anya. 

 

With a bright flash, Xander is brought back to the present as the orb stops glowing. "Future Xander" tells him that what he saw was a glimpse of the future, but it's not too late to change it. Things can go on, but he cannot marry Anya. "Sometimes two people all they bring each other is pain." 

 

Buffy walks through the hall and sees Spike standing idly by. The two are polite to each other in their talk. Buffy says that Spike's date is a nice attempt at trying to make her jealous. He asks if it's working? "A little" she answers. Spike says that he didn't mean to hurt her by showing up, and then hints that it's better if he just leaves with his date. Buffy says that he has every right to stay, and that she's ok. Spike notices that Buffy is very happy, that she "glows", even if it is for Xander and Anya's happiness, and that it's nice to see her happy for once. Buffy excuses herself, but Spike asks "But it hurts?" "Yeah" answers Buffy. "Thanks" comments Spike, before he turns and walks away. "You're welcome" says Buffy. 

 

In the lodge's kitchen, Xander paces, deep in thought, as Willow walks in. She smiles, thinking him just the nervous groom, and the two talk about what's about to happen. Willow jokes that it's a good thing she found out she was gay, otherwise the two of them might be hooking up, to which Xander silently embraces his friend, a worried statement on his face.  

 

"Do you know how much I love you?" She asks? 

 

"Not half as much as I love you." He replies 

 

Willow asks if he's ready for the long haul, but he says he wishes to practice his vows again and she says it's ok, the wedding can't exactly start without him! 

 

In another room, Tara sits while Anya again goes over her vows. Any tries to work in the promise of being Xander's "sex poodle," but Tara doesn't think that's a good idea. The music starts, the guests seated, Anya gets ready to take the plunge. But out in the hall, Willow stops Buffy, saying that Xander has disappeared! 

 

Commercial break: Angel's Acolyte- the place for that "other" wildfeed summary! 

 

Panicked, Buffy asks Willow what they're going to do? Willow tells Buffy to stall while she goes and finds where Xander is. Buffy walks in and apologizes to Anya, saying there's going to be a slight holdup because (now get this fib, gang) the minister had to go and perform an emergency c-section. He's not only a minister, but also a Doctor! Anya starts to get a little nervous as Buffy says it will be only a few moments. Anya then wants to recite her vows to Tara once again: 

 

"I, Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because I love you, and I'll always love you, and before I knew you I was like a completely different person not even a person, really. I'd seen what love could do to people. It was hurt and sadness. Alone was better. Then suddenly there was you, and you knew me. You saw me, and it was this thing. You make me feel safe and warm, so... I get it now. I finally get love, Xander. I really do." 

 

Anya's vows are said over a scene of Xander, walking down a rainy street, looking lost, in shock. 

 

Buffy walks down the isle and the music starts, but she waves the band off, saying it's not what they think. She walks up to the minister and whispers something in his ear, then walks quickly out again down the isle. The guests are stirring in their seats, getting antsy and bored. 

 

Anya paces in the side room, complaining that this is all the minister's fault. Helping someone give birth on her special day! It's his and the mother's fault! 

 

The guests start to grow even more restless as Mr. Harris orders another drink at the bar. He says that this is Anya's fault, making him blow all this money and then she'll run off! 

 

D'hoffryn comforts a complaining Halfrek, saying he's worried about Anya. 

 

Trying to stall for time, Buffy grabs the microphone at the alter and says "so, who's from out of town?" Smiling, Clem raises his hand. 

 

Just outside the room, Dawn talks laughs with a younger teen demon about how messed up the wedding is so far. 

 

Buffy plays charades with the guests, pantomiming a bull. 

 

Anya marches down the hallway, telling Tara sternly if the minister isn't there yet, they'll just get married without the minister! 

 

Buffy and Krevin both juggle oranges to entertain the crowd (yes, SMG can juggle... yay!). 

 

Dawn and the teen demon slowly walk back into the lodge hall. Right as they enter the hallway, Dawn tells him a secret; no one knows where Xander is. Unfortunately, Anya walks by RIGHT at that moment and she overheard! "Whaddya mean Xander is missing?!?" Anya says loudly, loud enough for everyone in the hall to hear. Uncle Rory starts laughing, saying Xander's pulling a joke, then starts to tell about another joke he played. One of the demon guests makes a comment, not wanting to hear another Harris family joke, and suggests they have another drink. Mr. Harris speaks up, saying the only reason he drinks is because it's the only way he can dull the pain of looking at their faces. Mr. Harris and the demon meet in the center isle and get into a shoving match. Mr. Harris takes a swing, then all hell breaks loose, with demons and family members throwing punches and kicking. Tara briefly gets caught in the confusion, but Willow pulls her aside to safety, asking if she's ok? Both smile at each other. 

 

Anya walks through the fighting crowd, calling Xander's name. Cousin Carol says that she saw Xander go into a side room with an old man earlier and points him out in the crowd.  

 

Anya approaches the old man, asking what he and Xander talked about? The old man says it doesn't matter now, it's done. Anya starts to get mad, wondering what the old man said to Xander, threatening him if he ran Xander off. The man says that Anya hasn't changed, "still as vindictive as ever." Anya doesn't place the man's face, but the old man definitely knows Anyanka! 

 

Commercial Break: Windex makes it SHINE! 

 

Anya is still confused who the old man is and why he broke up the wedding. The old man suddenly says it's her own fault, she's to blame. She doesn't remember what she did to him? Suddenly the old man grows and morphs into a large, green horned demon. He then refreshes Anya's memory: Chicago, South side, 1914. Stuart Burns! He was a victim of Anyanka's, who was caught cheating, turned ugly and was then tortured in another dimension. Now he has his vengeance! By talking to Xander and giving him a few false visions of a "nightmare" future, it was easy to run Xander off!  

 

Anya slowly starts to sob, knowing what it is to be hurt, which delights the old man-demon. He then wishes to see Anya suffer further and swipes at her, sending her flying against a wall. Buffy sees this and charges to the rescue, starting a fight with the old man-demon. The other assembled guests slowly stop their fights to watch Buffy's fight. 

 

Then, charging through the main doors, Xander arrives and rushes to Anya's side, as Buffy continues to fight with the old man-demon. Anya tells Xander that the visions he saw were false, created by the old-man. Still looking confused, Xander says it doesn't matter now. Buffy kicks the crap out of the demon, interrupting the couple as she goes to grab some of the decorative wedding lace that's behind them. Buffy uses it to start strangling the demon, before Xander comes in with the assist, picking up a large, fake plaster column and smushing the demon's head in with it. The battle over, the guests break out into applause! 

 

Looking down at the dead demon, Buffy and Xander are joined by Tara, Willow, and Anya, who look down at the demon. Willow wonders why it doesn't go "poof" like they sometimes do, then she suggests they cover it up with flowers to hide it. 

 

The guests slowly start to re-group and organize, but then, thanks to another Mr. Harris insult, a fight starts to break out again. Anya shouts for everyone to stop it, shut up, sit down, and get ready for the wedding! 

 

At the entrance, Anya comforts a still shaken Xander, grasping his hands. She tells him everything is ok now and that they can continue with the wedding, but Xander stops her, saying he's not ready. He is scared and visibly shaking as he tells her that he knows what he was shown wasn't real, but it could be. He is scared of his future, of their future together. He doesn't wish to go too fast. He spots his parents arguing out of the corner of his eye, then slowly releases is hands from hers. 

 

"We can't start over. If this is a mistake, it's forever. I don't want to hurt you, not that way. I'm sorry. I am so sorry." 

 

Anya turns to face the guests as Xander turns and walks out of the lodge entrance. Anya slowly walks down the isle as the musicians, thinking the wedding is taking place, start to play. The family and friends all stand as she walks very slowly, tears streaming down her face, and slowly comes to a stop halfway down the isle. 

 

Dawn, Buffy, and Willow sit in the Summers living room later that night, drinking coffee and talking sadly about what happened. Willow wants to be mad at Xander, but can't be. Buffy says that her light at the end of the tunnel just turned out to be train. Anya wants to be alone, but they all wonder where Xander is and hope he's ok. 

 

A hotel manager opens up the door to a small, dive of a motel room and Xander walks in silently. The manager says there's not much to tell; the air conditioner's busted, and checkout's at 11. Xander simply stands quietly in his rain-soaked tux. 

 

Sobbing in darkness, a clawed hand hands Anya a handkerchief. D'hoffryn apologizes to the bride, who says she's tired of crying. D'hoffryn then says that she let Xander domesticate her and she's not like she used to be, not like when she was on the top of her game as a vengeance demon. He tells her "It's time to get back to what you do best, don't you think? Anya looks up at D'hoffryn with a silent, blank stare. 

 

Grrr... Arrrg...