Tabula Rasa Spikey bits


The ep begins with Buffy patrolling in the cemetery. She hears a
noise, or senses something, and whirls, stake upraised. It's Spike;
she makes a sort of, "Sorry," face and puts the stake down.

"Can we talk?" he asks her, very subdued.

"Vocal cord-wise, yes," she says, plainly not happy. "To each
other--no." She turns and walks away from him. He stays where he is.

"We have to talk," he says, firmly.

She stops, but doesn't turn around. VERY not happy, now. "About
what?" she says.

He does the head tilt. "We kissed, Buffy."

Still not looking at him. "So?" And she walks away again. He follows her.

"We...we kissed, you and me," he says. "All Gone With The Wind, with
the rising music and the rising...music, and what =was= that, Buffy?"
He can't see her, but she's rolling her eyes at this.

"A spell?" she says. Snarky.

He catches her up and comes around to face her. "Oh, don't get all
prim and proper with me," he says. He gives her a knowing smile. "I
know what kind of girl you really are." His voice changes, softens.
"Don't I?" He knows she knows he does.

She glares at him. "What we did is done. But I will never kiss you,
Spike. Never touch you, ever, EVER again."

He does the head tilt again. Not...quite...wanting to believe her.
And then she jumps him, knocking him to the ground about a second
ahead of a stake, which thuds into the tree behind him. She lands on
top of him. They both look to see who's flinging stakes.

It's the loan shark. Who's, you know, a -shark-. Along with a
couple of vamp minions. Spike wants to know what he wants.

"There are a lot of things I would like, Mr. Spike," the shark says,
"A house in Bel Air. With a generously sized swimming pool." He
comes up to Spike and lays the stake against his chest. "And, of
course, the forty Siamese you owe me."

"Take it easy," Spike says, "You'll get your kittens."

"Oh, I trust you, Mr. Spike," the shark says.

"Oh, God," Buffy interrupts. "What is it with you guys? Why
kittens? Why can't you use money like everyone else?"

Spike says he needs more time.

"Time, time...," the shark says, "Time is what turns kittens into
cats. I don't want to see anyone get hurt." He turns and walks
away. "Boys..."

The first vamp rushes Buffy and Spike. Buffy jumps up, grabs a
branch and kicks the vamp ass over teakettle, then drops to the
ground. "You'd better close your eyes," she says, and shoves Spike
out of the way when the vamps charge. She clobbers them.

"Boss, I told you she was the Slayer," one of the minions whines.

The shark is impressed, and asks if she's considered free-lance work.
Meanwhile, Spike does a fast fade.


In the magic shop, Giles is trying to tell the Scoobies that he's
leaving, when Spike bursts in, sizzling. He's wearing the tweed suit
and one of those ear-flap hunting hats. "You have to give me
asylum!" he says. Xander mocks the outfit, and Spike says it's a
disguise; he's hiding from the shark.

Giles says he's leaving. Buffy starts to leave; she can't take it
any more. Willow's spell takes effect, and they all fall unconscious.

Hours later, they wake up. They don't know each other, and are
trying to figure out who they are. Some discussion, then, Giles
says, "I'm afraid we don't know a bloody thing. Except I'm British.
And a man. With glasses. Well, that narrows it down considerably."

Dawn is about to freak, Buffy comforts her.

Giles, trying to help, says, "We'll get our memory back and it'll all
be right as rain."

"Oh, listen to Mary Poppins," Spike says scornfully. "He's got his
crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen
are always so..." He breaks off. "Bloody hell," he says, "Sodding.
Blimey. Shagging. Knickers. Bollocks. Oh, God, -I'm- English."

Giles puts his glasses back on. "Welcome to the nancy tribe," he says.

Spike looks at Giles. "You don't suppose you and I..." Oh, this
doesn't bear thinking on. "We're not related, are we?"

Anya looks at them both. "There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance,"
she says. Giles preens.

"And you do inspire a particular feeling of familiarity," he tells
Spike. "And...disappointment." He thinks. "Older brother?"

Spike scoffs. "Father," he says, in a you-stupid-git tone. "Oh,
God, how I must hate you..."

"What did -I- do?" Giles asks, indignant.

"There's always something," Spike retorts. "And what about the trollop?

"What!?" Anya yelps.

"Her?" Giles says.

Spike gives him a look. "I saw you two. Sleeping together."

"Resting together!" Giles says hastily.

Anya holds out her left hand, showing her ring. "Look, it's okay!"
she says, "We're engaged."

"Oh," Giles says, and straightens his tie. He's engaged to this hottie? Cool.

"Great," Spike says, "A tarty stepmom who's half old Daddy's age."

"Tarty!" Anya says, offended.

"Old!" Giles is affronted. "I'm young enough to still get carded!"

And Willow thinks of the driver's licenses.

They figure out who they are, except for Buffy, Dawn and Spike, who
don't have wallets. Buffy figures out Dawn's name from her necklace.

Spike laughs when Giles tells them his name. "Rupert?" he says.
What a ridiculous name.

"You're not too old to put across my knee, =Sonny=," Giles snaps.
"Anyway, what do I call you?"

Spike looks for some ID. He reads the label in the jacket: "Made
with care for Randy." It sinks in. "Randy Giles?!?" he says, soooo
not happy. "Why not just call me Horny Giles, or
Desperate-for-a-shag Giles? I knew there was a reason I hated you!"

Giles, struggling not to laugh, replies, "Randy is a family name. No doubt."

More discussion of how to find out what's wrong. They eventually
decide that they need to go to a hospital. How are they to get
there, though?

"Dad can drive," Spike offers. "He's bound to have some midlife
crisis kind of transport. Something red. Shiny. Shaped like a
penis."

They head out, but are met by vamps at the door. Everyone screams.

The vamps break in. One goes for Buffy, and one for Spike. The one
holding Buffy is copping a feel. The other one slams Spike against
the bookcase and demands the kittens. He's about to rough Spike up
when Buffy gets loose.

"Hey!" she says, brandishing a stake that Spike had brough in, "Stay
away from Randy!" And she dusts the vamp. Everyone is amazed. "It
was SO COOL!" Buffy says. She tells the gang to escape through the
tunnels while she and "Randy" decoy the vamps.

As they are about to leave, Giles calls Spike. "Son," he says, "er,
come here. Please." Spike does, and they hug awkwardly, with much
back thumping.

Buffy and Spike go out, bursting through the vamp line. They fight,
and Spike vamps out, flinging one of the minions through the air
about twenty feet. "Hey," he says, delighted, "I'm a superhero too!"
Buffy sees his face and runs away. Spike fights free and follows her.

"Wait up," he calls when he catches up to her, several blocks away.
She grabs him and flips him onto a lawn, then pins him down by
straddling him.

"Hey, what are you doing?!" he says. He's still in vamp face, but
doesn't seem to realize it. She sees this.

"You don't know who you are," she says, a little surprised.

"Right," he says. DUH. "None of us do, and we're being chased by..."

"You're a vampire," she says, cutting him off.

He's appalled. "How can you s... I...me...a vampire? No!"

"Check the lumpies," she says. "And the teeth." He does. Yep; he's
a vampire.

Buffy looks down at him. "I kill your kind," she says.

"And I bite yours," Spike replies. He looks puzzled. "So how come I
don't want to bite you? And why am I fighting other vampires?" He
thinks about that for a bit. "I must be a noble vampire," he says,
sitting up a little. He seems happy with this revelation. "A good
guy. On a mission of redemption. I help the helpless. I'm a
vampire with a soul."

Buffy raises her eyebrows. "A vampire with a soul?" she says. "Oh,
my -God-, how lame is that?"

She lets him up offscreen, during a cut to the Scoobies.

When we come back to them, he's pacing, trying to suss it all out.
"I'm a hero, really," he says. "I mean, to be cast such an ugly lot
in life, and then to rise above it, to seek out better, nobler
things--it's inspirational, innit?" This has apparently been going
on for a while; Buffy is to the eye-rolling stage. He doesn't
notice, and continues. "And the two of us, natural enemeies, thrown
together to stand against the forces of darkness! Lot of trust. No
thought of me biging you, no thought of you staking me..."

Buffy breaks in. "That depends on how long you keep on yapping."

The vamps and the Shark arrive. Fighting ensues; Spike stakes one,
Buffy stakes one, he grabs one and holds him for her to whale on.

When the spell is broken, they're in mid-fight. Buffy stops as it
all comes flooding back. She can't do anything, and one of the vamps
knocks her down. Spike, busy with two other vamps, tries to get to
her, going into high fighting gear. The vamp is kicking the crap out
of her; she manages to kick him away, and toward Spike. He stakes
the remaining vamps, and the Shark, who's been watching the whole
fight, comes up to him. He's obviously impressed and a little
intimidated by Spike's prowess.

"You're an odd duck, Mr. Spike," he says. "Fighting your own kind,
palling around with the Slayer, and whoa, that suit! Chutzpah must
be your middle name. Umm, hey, look, about our little debt
problem... It's okay, I don't need the kittens..."

Spike grabs him by the very shiny shirtfront. "You'll get paid," he
growls. "I'm no welsher." He's ticked at the slur the Shark has
made.

"Right, sure," the Shark says nervously, "You're good for it, I know
that." Spike lets him go. "I'm just going to..." And he beats a
retreat.

Spike goes over to Buffy, still on the ground. He offers his hand to
help her up. "You all right?" he says. She doesn't answer, but gets
up on her own, refusing his help, and stalks off. He looks after her
and sighs.


In the Bronze, Buffy is sitting alone at the bar, listening to the
singer. We see her from the bartender's POV, across the bar. To her
right, about thirty feet away, are the stairs to the upper level.
She doesn't have a drink; she's just sitting there, staring. A
shadow falls over her; it's Spike. She turns to look at him. He
looks at her, a silent plea for her to say something, anything, but
she doesn't. He looks as though he might speak, but she turns her
head away when she sees it, refusing to listen. The hurt is plain in
his face, but he sets his jaw, turns and walks away, toward the
stairs. (We see him take seven or eight steps, which is almost to the
stairs.) As he goes, we hear these lyrics:

It hurts to want everything
And nothing at the same time.
I want wha'ts yours
And I want what's mine.
I want you, but
I'm not giving in this time...
Goodbye to you...

We're in the Bronze until the last line, and then we cut to Tara,
leaving the Summers house. Willow, sitting in the bathroom,
miserable. Giles, on the plane to England.

And then we're back in the Bronze. People everywhere, and we pan
around to the back of the stairs. Buffy is there with Spike, kissing
him. She didn't let him get fifty feet before she went after him.
They're not in full body contact--his hand is on her hip, her hand is
on his hip, and they're touching each others' upper arm with their
other hands. They're not quite to desperate, but it's headed there.
They break apart for a second--she has to breathe. Then she leans in
for another kiss. Her hand comes up to rest on his back, almost
around his neck. She pulls back for another quick breath, and kisses
him again.